This past Thanksgiving weekend my parents came out to visit and I was greatly reminded once again of how we are always making choices while sometimes not being aware of the consequences.
The entire weekend was one filled with plans that they wanted to do. These plans were not what my family does. We don’t eat that kind of food, stay up that late, aren’t interested in those kinds of trivial items or hang out with those kinds of people yet, we did it. All because we thought it respectful to allow them their desire. We went along in order to not rock the boat. After all, they flew out here from way over there.
What ended up happening is towards the end of the weekend we were becoming unhappy. Intensely so at moments. On edge. Then we realized we were giving up our entire lives, putting them on hold, just so two people that we don’t even have a relationship with could live their lives. Live what they desired, performing their search for happiness.
But, us sacrificing our happiness caused us to be less than 100% which then bled into them. So both groups suffered simply because we were not true to ourselves. We started no liking going along with their wishes and they started not liking us not liking and the downward spiral started.
Sunday they went to a Mennonite church out here while we stayed home and had our leisure morning. Later that morning we decided to have a late brunch at a great breakfast diner that took a bit longer than normal due to the Sunday crowd. We then went to have our toes worked on (wife and daughter got their nails painted while son and I got pedicures). WE, our family, spent quality time together doing what we wanted and our happiness blossomed. We were ALIVE. We were living the authentic versions us as we desired at that present moment. Later that evening we took the parents out to eat at a place that we could eat the food we like, clean and supportive of our bodies while allowing them other options. They ended up loving the place. A great example of how when someone chose to live authentically to themselves (us in this example) the surrounding and adjoining relationships glean from this and are added to their life quality vs being pulled down by a lack in fulfillment.
How often do we give up on what we want in order to please someone else? We just go along because that’s what the group wanted to do. We then trade out time for an unfulfilled moment, for unhappiness.
Life is too short for this. Every moment needs to be lived authentically. We might not wake up tomorrow. Nothing is granted. Time is rather unknown. Yet we still too easily trade it for the supposed happiness of others…
It is deemed normal to do this. It is what we are all taught at a young age. Children, follow me, children submit, children do as your told. Not often are we (society as a whole, not you fine exemptions) leading our children to express who they are fully and authentically without any strings attached. Not often do we encourage the belief in one’s self at a young age. Rather we follow along through our life as a child, doing as we are told, then we get older and we end up just going thru the motions of life for the middle portion of our years. Always afraid to speak out what we really desire for in the fear of our “friends” not liking it thus not liking us. We live one life outwardly while longing for another inwardly.
Mid-life crisis much??? Fulfilment happens when we choose authentically what is best for us. Not for others or what the group deems to be the status pro quo but YOU. What you desire. It is ok to be different. Let the freak flag fly and watch how being your true self attracts others by shining so much brighter than the norm. We end up being so much more of us when we stop covering up our core essence.
All these layers we unknowingly wear. I dress this way because I then fit in at work. I act like this because that is what a person in my position does. I am a parent, its what we do. On and on we trade authenticity for a piece of supposed acceptance.
Perhaps it is time to accept putting ourselves first. This does not mean that you don’t care about others, stop living in their world of belief, you are simply choosing to live yours. In the end, their beliefs have absolutely zero bearing on your life. It is always your life and you are the only one responsible for it.
Life is too short. There is not one reason why we should trade our time for the happiness of others. We can’t ever get any time back. Time spent is forever gone. Make every decision based on what serves YOU best. They will take care of themselves (hint – the already are, it’s why they wanted you to make your decisions based on what THEY desired). Let it all go and live for you. Shedding of those layers will fill as free as our family sitting on those amazing massage chairs getting our toes done grinning like fools to each other in authentic happiness.
Light and love,
Jarred